Tuesday, September 23, 2008

on wild apples

A colleague at the Little Shop of Harmony who obviously feels I eat way too many biscuits at coffee break gave me a bag full of apples from her own apple trees.

I eyed them suspiciously because I buy my apples (and biscuits) at the supermarket. Supermarket apples are always perfectly round, even-coloured, flawless and come in little plastic bags looking almost clinically sterile. Actually, they look a bit like the biscuits except for the chocolate topping but don't taste as good. These apples were bruised, slightly overripe and with worrying little holes in them. When I opened the bag, a little fly flew out in a hurry.

Then I forgot everything else, even my horror of worms (not easily forgotten). Oh the fragrance! A smell not of supermarket plastic but of apples! Of autumn, dewy grass, woodsmoke, soil, berries, childhood, happiness, life.

They even taste good. I haven't found a worm yet.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

mind games on the beach

Silvery balls land in cool sand on the beach. I enjoy the golden sunset over the still September sea but the game bores me. I feel myself drifting away from my friends' laughter.

I think:
this is autumn, at its loveliest
soon enough be cold enough for wool and fake fur
this little city by the sea, how lucky I am
could I love loud children who shriek like that
how many of my friends fancy that handsome man over there
why do I drift like this
someone please hold on to me
I'm probably just hungry
melted cheese sandwich with olives

Saturday, September 06, 2008

my life with a metaphysical twist

September, and I have more friends than I ever deserve and will I do them justice?

I worry too much. I believe in God and still don't believe what he says. I trust him less than I do myself.

Two upcoming trips abroad, one that I will cherish and another that I dread a little.

I will go out and explore my own neighbourhood. The thirst for life keeps growing.

I am stuck in my fears and can never change. And yet, the force that I gave my life to is inside me and is stronger than the force of this world.

And please God, may people never stop buying books.