Saturday, July 28, 2007

july is defined by this dream

I want to lie down in sweet-smelling grass and look at the sky above me and not move an inch until the autumn storms sweep in. Then I will roll myself into a blanket and fall asleep in peace.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

nerves in an empty city


A lone tourist wanders the streets. All the inhabitants have fled the city. Finns have a strange urge to live close to grass, wind, sun and even rain during the short but intense summer of the North, and so they pack the car full of spouses, kids, dogs, barbecue meat and beer as soon as they can get out of work on Friday afternoon and head out to a humble cottage somewhere along the coast or at a lakeside. Finns have also seen to it that they have the world's longest vacations, so nobody seems to be doing any work from mid-June to the beginning of August.

Except for me of course. Somebody has to be hospitable to the tourists. But I hear that call of the wild too. Today I was restless, sad, anguished even, for no obvious reason. I tried all remedies known to woman: food, chocolate, coffee, shopping, chatting, more coffee. But the only thing that finally helped was the park. Sitting down for fifteen minutes surrounded by grass, trees and sun and all my nerves took a holiday.

Monday, July 02, 2007

pieces of eight or nine

I have been tagged by Prince Kazarelth to list eight things about myself, but found it impossible. So here are nine...

* I have a juvenile mind. Long after my teenage years, like a teenage girl I look for affirmation from someone I admire at a distance - "my whole existence turning around a word, a smile, a touch". I may never grow up.

* I am addicted to chewing gum and get severe withdrawal symptoms.

* I gravitate between a somewhat failed academic career and a much more fun, but doomed non-career in the hotel world. Nobody understands why, or what I really want, least of all myself.

* I am the Ice Queen in a crowd, cheerful among friends and extremely moody in my own company.

* I have received serious death threats.

* I talk to God.

* I once found heaven on earth and then had to leave in order to preserve my sanity.

* In my music library, I mix dance with church hymns but especially love songs that celebrate life and strength of will.

* I cannot live in ugly places.