to Kydonia with love

I aim for the sun, and for sand in my sandals, and for the fragrance of foreign flowers. I will march to the beat of a different drum. I will bring my very own Greek god home with me. See you all when I return from my Odyssey.

a Thank You day

You smiled and stopped by just to tell me you haven't forgot. Today, that was all I needed. Thank you.

My foot is better and the weekend went by in a happy haze of sun, books, chocolate, wine, the inspiration of a fantastic friend. I feel creative.

the landing is never easy

Jumping, in volleyball, is really flying. At least when you put your heart and every little one of your muscles into it and forget about everything except hitting that ball. Feels like being up there in the air forever.

And then you land on your team mate's foot and you try not to land at all but inevitably feel your ankle twist. And hurt.

Happened to me yesterday, and now I hobble around with a cane as my new best friend. But people are giving me sympathy and chocolates and I get to lie on the couch and read books.

the risks of life and Thai soup

Snow and hot springtime sun.
I have received some information that I really didn't need or want, and other information that made me giggle like a maniac.
Sunday lunch at a hotel.
A new friend.
Dipped my purse in Thai soup.
A highly distressing disagreement in the family that almost made me run screaming out of the room and never return.
I have realised that there are some things your near and dear ones will never understand or accept about you.
And that you can never fully trust anyone, not even those you really, really want to be perfect and never let you down.

But that's OK. As long as I know. And as long as I still have hope and dare to try. Yes, it is a cliché but it is true: loving is worth the risk.

PS: I ate the Thai soup after dipping my purse in it. It was still tasty and my purse only smells a little of lemon grass.

to see a world in a cup of tea

Day two: A walk in town among Saturday shoppers, many familiar faces around.

Registered for a lottery where you can win travel tickets but ruined my chances with a sarcastic comment on the registration sheet. The sun was shining. The city always wears me out - all these people who seem to either be happier than you or need something from you.

But ran into an angel whom I invited for tea and chat to my place this evening. Thus I managed to avoid another Saturday evening alone. Inspired, I sent a text message to another lonely person and invited her too. We invisible people can at least have each other to look at.

The rest of the afternoon, curled up with a blanket in the sunshine on the balcony, reading about the olives, sheep cheese and thyme honey of Crete. Surprisingly peaceful mood. The visit to the Chinese restaurant on my way home from town might have accomplished that - I ordered some spring rolls for take-out and the little Chinese matron placed a steaming cup of green tea in front of me while I waited. The fragrance of the tea, the very un-Finnish red-and-gold wallpaper of the restaurant, and the murmured conversations of the few lunch guests briefly brought me to another world.

Sometimes that's all I need for happiness.

boring notes

Having a few weeks off from the shop, for "administrative" reasons. Suits me, since I'm exhausted.

Curious to see how I will cope with all this leisure time. From this perspective, day one, it seems like paradise, complete with books to read and coffee to drink. But I won't let myself be fooled - I know what the combination of too high expectations, a slight depression and an inability to wind down can do to me. I can already see signs, like the obsessive cleaning I did yesterday... definitely NOT my style.

So for some vague reason I decided to take notes and make a careful study.

Day One: Good so far. Slept in, big breakfast and lots of coffee. Watched a film (United 93. Cried). Some light-weight work at the computer so I can feel good about myself. Swore at the printer. Counted my money. Realised it's time to do the tax return and broke out in a cold sweat. By now it's late afternoon and I'm hungry and trying to fight the slight suspicion that the whole world is out to get me.

my habits contradict me

Wonder how many skewed images of myself I carry around in my head?

I think of myself as shy, reserved, even a bit anti-social at times. Somewhat lonely, not the type who surrounds herself with friends. But someone asked me how many new friends I have made during the last six months (which were pretty average months in my life) - and by friends meaning people I make an effort to meet up with again, or at least people I let through my carefully guarded mental barriers somehow. People who are not yet my close friends, but who I know share my desire to get to know each other better. And I am by no means the kind of person who tries, or even wants, to "make the whole world my friend".

I counted at least ten. That's nearly one a fortnight. Not bad for an anti-social loner.

The wise person I quoted a couple of blog entries back has also said that character is the sum of your habits. For example, you can't claim to be a kind person if you don't have the habit of being kind to others. Conversely, I suppose, I can't call myself anti-social anymore since it's clearly, by empirical evidence, not my habit to be anti-social.

This conclusion annoys me. Now I have to look at other habits and try to face the truth in what they tell me.