Wednesday, September 30, 2009

girl talk

My 9-year old niece, already an expert on romantic relationships (recently broke up with a boyfriend as she felt he was not committed enough), sneers at me when I suggest I too might know a thing or two about men. "Really?" she says sceptically and proceeds to test me:

Niece: So, what do all men have that women don't, in the front?
Me: Eh... a... (feebly trying to avoid the obvious answer and wildly think of another possible one) ... an adam's apple!
Niece (in triumph): So you don't know!
Me (defensively): It's the correct answer!
Niece (in a patronizing voice): No. The correct answer is: Chest hair!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

not so hopeless

Dreamed that I had a dream. Woke up and felt hope - the hope to acquire a dream again. It's a start.

Yesterday I sat on a beach as darkness slowly fell. Smoked a cigarette (I'm cutting down on my one-a-year habit), listened to the quiet of the autumn evening and tried to think, and believe: I am loved.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

not so hopeful

The elk hunt has started and a man I admire is going to raise his rifle. I should be resting but is torn between work and moral obligations and almost in tears. I am proud of my skills and worried about my knees. I face the winter of my discontent.

Saturday, September 05, 2009

my life in a Dalí painting

On the steps of the gazebo I sat crying and the actor had to go somewhere else to rehearse his monologue. I read poems to the blind man and whispered to his guide dog. With aching knees I bought three odd-shaped lightbulbs.

Drifting again and my life seems too surreal to me. I'm taking out my cigarrettes; I still have a packet from last year.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

what is the distance between two friendships?

Your view of friendship is too mechanical if you call your nine-months-pregnant friend and are surprised to hear that she has been missing your phone calls. You should not automatically put yourself at an emotional distance just because you are at a geographical one and fear that you will lose that friendship.

On the other hand, sometimes it is good to end a friendship, at least unofficially. Then it comes as a pleasant surprise when one's newly-wed friend explores the possibilities for an evening at the pool-table with you, or sends you a text message from Mongolia to tell you that he has found Orlando Bloom's Mongolian doppelgänger.

sulking and a smile

Rough winds do shake my balcony windows in September. I sulk. I do not need another winter right now!

In the shop, dry leaves blow in through the open door until the rain starts. A case of swine flu announces itself in a phone call. Still, happy expectancy in my smile whenever someone walks in...