discontent with a vanilla scent

I'm in a cosy corner of the balcony, high above the sea. So why is it so hard to feel content? When I have a pink sunset, a vanilla candle and a gorgeous gypsy skirt? When I'm loved by God?

whiskey and silver nails

I come armed with whiskey and silver nails.

Autumn has nothing on me as I turn my world into silver and get ready for change. I will go on a quest for love. I will tell shivering secrets and diamond truths to my friends. Let the weak say "I am strong" because grace is sufficient for me.

I will live from day to month and love the chilling skies. There will be music, libraries and the whispering of French words. I will let my voice be heard and laugh without fear of the future. I was born for this and I know how to dress the part.

God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. I will drink lots of water and grow in strength and wisdom.

I will walk down the street like a rock star, but with love.

raspberries, moths and the north wind

It was a summer of the north wind, of raspberries and moths. Of cool and empty offices, white paint and espresso. Hot sun and blue waters. Snacking on lentil crisps and getting out of the chilly wind. Stacking firewood, eating blueberries in the woods and making eye contact with birds. A summer of difficult emotions and the sweetest of sleeps.

And I saw a grey curtain of heavy rain advance against me after weeks of drought. I longed for it, smelled it, heard its muted whisper - then it came to me across the sea.

summer's end, always untimely

In my candle-lit cabin in the woods I prepare for the year ahead.

I rage against the dying of the light. I want to stay in the candle-light, silence, summer. In warm wind, laughter, salt water. In boat trips with sugar pig pastries. In being so close to nature that I feel it breathing. In the company of birds, poodles, people. In being so safe, so far from everything heavy and oppressing.

But the birds, poodles and people are moving on. Winter is coming. How fast and how unfairly!

It breaks my heart. But because I must, I make plans for the war ahead. I will conquer winter with music, spicy casseroles, wool, dancing myself tired, old and new wisdom. Above all, with love. This year, I will learn what it is to be loved by God.

It's a silent night in the woods. Tomorrow, I get into my Citroën and go to battle.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep. 
(Robert Frost)

this place loves me back

Raspberries, lots of coffee, the calm breathing of sea and forest.

The peace of a place where nothing happens all day and nobody is expected to accomplish anything. The sea breathes in, the forest breathes out.

I am all alone. I read, eat, watch DVDs, drink coffee, read and eat some more, take a slow walk, do some small tasks that I happen upon, stick my bare feet in the sea, have a glass of wine, pick some raspberries and eat them, doze in front of the laptop. There is nothing to be accomplished. The only thing I need to do right now is live.

I put music on and dance on the grass, wildly.

The clouds pass by, slowly. The light changes as the sun moves. The colours change. The evening is long, darkness won't arrive until close to midnight. The silence amplifies the small sounds - a bird landing on the roof, a twig breaking as the wind picks up. I won't see a human being for days. But I make eye contact with a bird and listen to my feelings and maybe God has a chance to say something.

My dreams stretch out toward the open horizon and beyond. I sing a song I just learned to the sea.

The air smells of pine trees and salt. This place loves me back.

In the cool of the evening, a fire crackles in the fireplace. I will soon sleep and only hear the fire and the wind and my own dreams.

gathering fuel

A fire near me, a cold night outside.

I'm missing some people and at least one dog, but I have an old lady next door who will go on a trip with me tomorrow. The birds are going quiet and I'm lonely.

Two weeks, a cosy cottage and all the books I need. The north wind is blowing. I'm sad.

Every accomplishment in my life was fuelled by a negative emotion. I will fly to the stars propelled by loneliness and sadness.