Wednesday, February 17, 2021

this Disney winter

I should stop complaining about the Finnish winters. Because this one has been picture-perfect, ridiculous in its idyllic gorgeousness, breathtakingly beautiful, as if Disney had come here and sprinkled magic snowdust all over a fairytale movie set. Weather-wise, at least.

It's all glittering ice crystals dancing in the sun, rosy-cheeked children playing in powdery snow, hot coffee in thermos flasks, iceskating and snowball throwing and snow-fort building, ski tracks through silent fir forests, blinding sun over ice. Even wolves - real, wild ones, scaring dog-walkers and early morning joggers in quiet suburbs. I fantasize about hearing them howl at night while I make tiny snowmen on my balcony.

It's a bit too cold, perhaps, at times. My car coughed a little in minus 20 degrees Celsius today, and I'm fighting an almost chronic case of frostbite in my fingers. But it's better than suffering the grey sleet or rain of warmer winters.

I'm not a very outdoorsy type but I can't resist the siren call of all this beauty. I dress in three layers, including ridiculous woollen hats, boots with metal studs in the sole, and a coat that looks like its last owner was a mammoth. Then I walk in the wide-open landscape of a frozen sea or along winding paths in snowy woods. Listening to the silence and breathing the scentless, crystal air of deep winter. Only in a very cold and dark country can the return of the sun make you want to cry from relief and melt into its comforting embrace.

A friend took me on a walk in a forest unknown to me. The snow glittered and sparkled, the sun was low in the sky but almost warming, caressing us with friendly rays through the frozen pine trees. We climbed a look-out tower and gazed at endless forests, distant seas, cold horizons. At a picnic spot, we grilled stick bread over open fire and warmed cold fingers on coffee mugs. 

It was seven degrees below freezing but we didn't feel it. We sat in the middle of a snowy forest for over an hour, talking about the adventures from our youth, feasting on hot, garlicky bread.

Picture-perfect winter.

Saturday, February 13, 2021

a companion through the ages

My friend and I sat in a fast food joint in a bland, suburbian mall, discussing physical therapy and inheritance tax with the dissonance of muzak and screaming kids around us.

In our youth, she and I used to sit in medieval cafés in inspiring university towns, discussing dreams and the world as candles flickered quietly under ancient vaults.

But our friendship ripens and sweetens deliciously as time goes by.

Sunday, February 07, 2021

blinis and grief

Winter sun, winter gin. Long walks in snowy woods. A brightening at the horizon. A blini evening with people I love and a dog that tried to pull a sock off me. A repetitive strain injury from too much space opera.

And the strange grief that occasionally strikes me, with full force, over a life not meant for me.

Monday, February 01, 2021

blessed, found, loved

Today's best colours: A cloud of powdery white snow, a green DKNY bottle, a rose-golden sun. 

I doubted and feared and despaired a lot today. Then I remember that I'm one of the blessed, one of the found, one of the loved.