pale face to a pale sky

Spur your little Citroën onwards through thick, slushy snow. Lead your elderly mother by the hand. Don't think of all the work you should be doing.

Instead, lift your pale face to a pale sky. Warm your hands in the pockets of a winter jacket and rejoice in your heavy boots. See how people smile at you, willing to help.

The day is cold, snow is still falling, life is good.

brave, efficient, bitter

I have changed. I'm no longer afraid of conflict and not too preoccupied with what other people think. I don't need to fix other people's relationships. I don't say yes to everything. I'm not worried that I don't feel loving enough. The world doesn't have to be black and white. I accept.

I don't have to experience everything. I am aware of the need to make plans and be efficient. I am happier even when life isn't going according to plan. I state my opinions when I want. I am braver, much more confident.

I am also more bitter and grumpy.

aimlessness with coffee

Green smoothies next to a book. A tuna salad underneath an exotic wallpaper with jungle flowers and pigs.  A laptop in a library, surrounded by whispering students. Buckets of black coffee with melancholia and a will to live.

Streets in a grey mist that reaches from here to February. Long sleeves over hands with silver nailpolish. A whole day of aimlessly roaming the city. Weariness with excitement, boots and woollen scarves.

dress code: business bohemian

During office hours I sit at a beautiful teak desk. The staff room has a fancy espresso maker and exotic fruits in the snack bowl.

My colleagues arrive in expensive cars, dressed in ripped jeans and hoodies - it's the kind of office that is too cool for a business dress code.

I sometimes arrive in a sharp pencil skirt, sometimes in a hoodie. Sometimes both. I put rings on my fingers, hoops in my ears, thick mascara on my lashes. I stomp around in boots. I sometimes arrive in a very uncool, noisy car that looks out of place among the Audis. Mostly I take the bus - where I'm sometimes the only woman not in a hijab.

I feel a need to be extra bohemian in this environment.

house of candles and cherries

A dark cottage lit by fig and mango candles, a tiled kitchen with a hot scent of cinnamon and honey. A garden of pear and lemon trees, birdsong and the sweetest of cherries. A small creek with a canoe in it, ready for adventures.

the most heated scenes of my life, a list

40 degrees Celsius in a small Californian town. We try to cool down by dipping ourselves into a very shallow river.

A sauna by the lakeside, with two old women. It's not far off a hundred degrees Celsius, and very humid. Dipping into the cool lake afterwards is heavenly.

The sauna by the public swimming pool. A woman pours several buckets of water onto the stove, creating great clouds of lethally hot steam, then leaves. The rest of us are left gasping for air.

savour the rain-soaked fields

To be able to enjoy almost everything.

Slow, sad, utterly Finnish music in a dark room on the outskirts of town. A breath-taking requiem by Mozart echoing under the vaults of an imposing church, moving yet another generation to tears.

Exploring an old ruin in the rain, in a muddy field. Zipping up coats, feeling cold rain seep through jeans, and just laughing all the more.

Seeing grey fields, silvery lakes, dark and rolling hills, farmhouses with lights in the windows. Marvelling at something so grey and rain-soaked and sprinkled with beauty.

Enjoying ourselves among the riches and temptations of a large mall, learning history in a medieval castle. Loving our food and wine, sitting quietly lost in thoughts for hours in the car.

One of the most valuable lessons I'm learning: Find the beauty in everything. Savour it.

weekend in a Jaguar

Road trip in a Jaguar with friends, Bruce Springsteen and the prettiest parts of Finland.

Cold rain will be soaking a monochrome landscape as we explore medieval ruins but we will stop at a mall where everything is warm, colourful and enticing.

Mozart's most beautiful music will be resounding through a cathedral and at the party afterwards, the synopsis of a thriller will be scribbled down on wine-stained paper.

Cold air, ancient castles, sad music. Wine, laughing friends and lots of history. And a long, lazy drive home through the darkest of forests.