Fog is good. It blurs the edges and protects you from the harsh reality. There is an empty world outside my window, comforting as a wool blanket.
Going to a party tonight. One of those safe, alcohol-free birthday bashes with cake and tea, mounds of chocolate sweets, cheerful people who all know each other. Nothing wrong with it. But I feel a familiar antipathy rising within me. I will arrive and feel as if I'm a decade older and wiser than anybody else (not true at all but facts have nothing to do with it) and sit in a corner and be bored and wish for lightning to strike.
If I'm lucky I will find a fascinating person to whisper secrets to. Alternatively, I will be seized by recklessness caused by boredom and spend the evening scattering witty or absurd remarks around me, making people helpless with laughter. This behaviour is completely uncharacteristic for me but my longing for excitement sometimes backfires on me and acts like a powerful intoxicating drug. A cheap high.
Why do we always go to parties expecting a personal reward? Can I not go there with the objective to give? My idealism fights against my cynicism.
5 comments:
Ah... a non-alcoholic party... something that I am confined to 'til 31st December.
I hate going to social thingees, its sort of encroaching and... well... I can't explain why I am sort of antisocial.
And, the fascinating person, that one who is a tad bit higher in the Intelligence Level, than the general public, is usually you. Which is why people think I am either too shy, or too goosy {Read: Gregarious}.
I think I should take the wise words of your last paragraph...
I am highly cynical.
Also, I am confused...
If he doesn't offer us help, how do we refuse it? {I am sorry, I wasn't in a particularly good mood the other day!}
And, I read the other post.
Cinnamon is a very nice word.
I think 'nice' itself is quite nice!!!
And, I like 'nutmeg'... quite a nutty word!!
'Intoxicating' is a wickedly nice word!
Also beautiful is the word that aptly describes your writing:
Gorgeous.
Understand exactly what you mean. That party didn't really improve my attitudes to parties in general... Was bored. Usually the trick that works for me is to avoid the main crowd and circle the periphery. Exchanging a word or two with other periphery persons until I find that fascinating person (which can be someone you never imagined could be fascinating...). This time, however, I wasn't in the mood at all and just sulked.
(Had you been there you would definitely have been my person of choice.)
Interesting thing this with cynicism. An obvious reaction you have when you are mature enough to understand the world will not work according to your will. It can make you act wisely. But it can also completely close you off from possibilities, blind you to the little wonders that, after all, do wait to surprise you every now and then. It has to be handled with care.
Regarding God, I tend to get a little metaphysical writing about him. But I do believe he exists. I think God stepped into our reality to bridge the abyss between us and him. (I hesitate to mention this because I don't want to seem as if I'm pushing my beliefs onto somebody else, but for clarity's sake, here it is:) When I doubt, I read about Jesus' life. In no uncertain terms, he tells us who God is and what part he plays or want to play in our personal reality.
If we seek God, he will let himself be found. So if you are looking, keep looking.
Parties generally make me say "I don't wanna go!"
But, what if that person in the centre is the fascinating person {Obviously, its theoretical. For people like us its quite possible that all the 'fascinating' people that we meet are people like us: Periphery People!}. Don't sulk!
Oh, and a load of thanks for that compliment! :-)!!!
Maybe, being cynical is the way of life. Most people are cynical, so almost everyone misses out on those opportunities. Its just the people who are either too cynical or a little less cynical see them. And even then, its the latter portion of people who enjoy them.
After your thoughts on cynicism, I can't wait for a post on your thoughts about it!
Yes, I've noticed. You have an kirlian aura of Goodness when you talk of Him. And, well, I am secular, so I don't see that as being thrusted upon me! Its good to know that He helps us on the mission of Life.
I like your thoughts on God, refreshes my belief in Him every time.
Thanks for your (as always) very interesting comments! Funny how I can feel so connected to a "stranger" on the other side of the world.
yes, maybe it's time for a post on cynicism soon. Definitely a concept worth pondering.
Great to know that!!!
And, we ain't no strangers {To be read with an extremely thick Southern American drawl}, we belong to the Big Family of Bloggers!!!
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