in love and war, and nothing is fair

I'm obsessively, absolutely in love. And have been for a while, two years perhaps, although it's getting worse lately.

With New York.

Every day I dream of going there (to live, not just to visit). At the same time, everything inside me except that obsessive, crazy-in-love part wants to stay right where I am.

Completely baffled, I watch this deranged conflict raging inside me. How can I want two opposite things, so badly? How long until I'm torn to pieces?