Anxiety attacks - when you feel as if you're literally dying or going
mad, or both, for no good reason. You can't breathe, can't think, and
your heart is about to explode. I had attacks like these for a while
last winter. Next to the death of my father, they were by far the worst
experience I've ever had.
The strange thing about this
crisis is that it brought a lot of things to my life, all of them good. I
eat healthier food, exercise more, try to avoid stress, allow myself
good things. But of all these necessary life changes, two stand out as
by far the most effective:
1. I'm more open towards my
friends. I ask for their help instead of stubbornly try to cope on my
own. I share my weaknesses and get involved in their lives. I also went
to therapy sessions with a professional. As a result, when I'm cold and
lonely and panic is pressing in, the support of others is like a warm
blanket to wrap myself in.
2. I realised, with the help of
my therapist, that I set impossibly high standards for myself. This
makes me harsh and judgemental towards myself, which creates
stress that brought on the anxiety. I'm learning to be merciful. To
change my negative self-talk to encouragement and kindness. To allow myself
rest and recreation when I need it. To not conquer all the world in one
week.
Now, six months later, I feel OK. I'm still
taking the antidepressants a doctor prescribed when I begged for help
but I will try weaning myself off them soon. Occasionally, very
rarely now, I feel as if another attack might be lurking in the shadows
but that I will be able to deal with it.
I know that I'm skirting
dangerously close to burnout and exhaustion and that I must be
careful not to burn my candle at both ends. I never even realised that this is what I do - I see myself as a laid-back, almost lazy
person. But constant, negative self-criticism, fretting about all those
dreams not yet fulfilled, and filling my waking time with
information overload from social media - this can break me sooner
than I thought.
I'm learning to listen to my body and my mind and give them what they need.
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