It's on the loveliest days of summer that I plan my life.
When my bare skin is heated by a July sun and chilled by blue waters, when the vista around me is sky and sea and forest, when I'm deeply immersed in nature, when I feel safely at home and excited about new adventures at the same time. Then I dream and plan for the year ahead.
This year, my plans were modest and extravagant: I would learn what it is to be loved by God. To really feel it. How free and fearless I would be when that love was literal truth to me!
But in the icy winds of October, I go looking for that love and it's as far away as the July sun.
In theory, I know it's there. Sometimes I feel it - when I allow myself to feel it instead of try to earn it.
But I need to have it deep inside my body, immerse myself in sky and sea and forest.
The world is too cold for that.
I read and I pray, and maybe I'm inching closer, but my skin is still cold to the touch.
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