Smiling, positive, in harmony. Kind, always ready to help. Accepting. In control. A piano poet. This is me. This is me. Swear to God!
If I can't fool anyone else, at least I can fool myself.
I'm browsing the blog of someone I vaguely know, someone from school who went on to collect a fun job, a beautiful family and friends to die for. She always sounds happy. Well, why wouldn't she? I will not read her blog again, I sternly tell myself. Yet every now and then I return to it, obsessively, to read about her latest fun adventure and look at the pictures of grinning kids. People like that should not be allowed to keep a blog. What do you think you know about life, you who always got what you wanted? Have you ever cried a tear in all your sunny days?
I am not jealous. I have my life, my adventures, my friends, things I've seen that nobody else has seen. No, really. Swear to God.
Lie all you want, PianoPoet, even you will start to question yourself at some point. Look at yourself, with your face green with envy. The bitterness that you swore would never touch your heart, slowly eating your intestines.
Found a church a while ago. I go there, sit at the back and avoid all eye contact, probably radiating anger, resentment, bitterness. The wonder of it: it's OK. People see me, leave me alone if that's the way I want it, but still welcome me back with a smile the following Sunday. I don't have to be happy or successful or Christian. I'm OK, as I am.
Maybe God himself sits down there next to me, not saying anything. Just being there.
"...the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God..."
11 comments:
Your previous post was nice....
This one is weird...
Sound just like me... Inside, I am a very deep, meloncholic and highly depressed young man. While outside, I am everything else. I am not a hypocrite. But then, what am I?
Maybe, the people in the church think that you have actually found God. God not as in Jesus the Saviour...but as in the true G-O-D. {Which maybe you have}
Ah, well, makes another melloncholic post... makes us 5, or maybe 6 bloggers to have done that...starting with me. Is it raining by any chance there?
Yes, now is the season to be weird and melancholy. Glad I'm not the only one. Although sad memories sometimes make me feel better... if you once lost something good, at least it proves good things exist. And may be found again sometime.
I know what you mean, being one thing on the inside and another on the outside and I don't think it's hypocrisy either. I think other people bring out sides of us that wouldn't show otherwise - good and bad.
Sad memories don't make me feel better, they make me feel bitter.
Good things exist, yes, but only in Utopia. This broken world can never heal. It just has to be destroyed....
They say that only in the hard times of life do you remember God. But then, isn't God supposed to be perfect? Why bother taking credits? Why can't good times stretch on forever?
I am on the brink of losing faith....
I once thought about it. LIke I generally do. What struck me is that a quest for absolutes by most young people is so ultimately doomed. Absolutes in a world composed in shades and tints rather than in hues.
Pianopoet, most people have to wear masks. and I feel really thankful when one can remove it before others. Others==similar.
Yes, well, we hafta.....
Universal Truth I: Most people do NOT know you.
Universal Truth II: You don't want most people to know you.
Univeral Truth III: Most people don't care about you.
Universal Truth IV: I don't Care about other {as in people in U.T III} people....
Yes, I guess we all have to wear masks... maybe if/when you are able to remove them not only before those that are similar but before everyone, then you are truly free?
But as I'm an idealist (sometimes), this may be just an impossible ideal.
Prince, what do you mean by bothering to take credits? Not sure I understand. We only remember God when we're in trouble, but he thinks of us constantly. I believe.
And long may you so believe. Just a thought. by this time I guess you know I'm not exactly pious. Remembered a scene from one of my favourite films, "Det Sjunde Inseglet".
Knight(at confession):"I see. We must take our fears and call it God. Our fear of the darkess, the nothingness, the void where should have been faith."
*Bows* Really Charmed. Thank you....
Uh... The loyalty lies on who gives me the mission....
I didn't quite understand the first paragraph of your comment....
Plus, by "bother taking credits" I have assumed that God has full control of our crania.... And, he asks our minds to think about Him.... As in "taking credits" for doing something....
Constantly thinking about us? Hmm... Never really paid attention to this fact... Will remember in times of pain....
Thanks for that....
ARC, interesting quote - haven't seen the film but think I'd like to... In my experience, though, what I call God is more like the absolute opposite of my fears.
Then you are blessed. as are we all, with the trust in what we know as God.
And you know what, pianopoet, its really a reassuring thought!
Uh.... thanks. I don't really know whats happening, but I think my head is inflating and I am blushing at the same time.... !
I think the movie Alarond is talking about is some Swedish movie he has always told me about....
And this is a nice post... {Well, As usual}
Post a Comment