Someone wise pointed out to me that there are things that distract people from living the life they were intended for, things that drive them around the same circle constantly. Wasting their life and missing the meaning of life. Guilt is one of these, fear another.
And craving for acceptance/approval/love. Now that's my poison. The need that sometimes makes me - an adult, independent woman - curl up in a corner and whimper, paralyzed.
The power of love is tremendous. Unfortunately also in the negative - if it has been denied you, it can ruin your life.
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True. At the some time, you'll see people rising out of the ruins. Maybe these make us stronger to face it the next time. Sadder, greyer, yet infinitely wiser.
I've valued, nay dramatized the virtue of my untouched solitude . . . but at the end, like all life, I guess I'm no different from all life in craving acceptance.
What if it had been shown to you like a teaser trailer, and you can't go to the theater to watch it?
***
And, yes. I am, so to say, back to blogger. Although I've been on twitter forever.
This craving has made me numb since I know it will not come from the places a child usually takes for granted.
Sometimes I choose the solitude so as not to hope for approval that won't come anyway. And yes, I know the numbness too.
Tonight, I cried for a long, long time. Then I felt as if God himself reached out and comforted me. Maybe it was just my overheated emotions that made me imagine it. On the other hand, since I believe in God, I also want to believe that he really is love. In any case, it seemed so real and I felt so much better.
Approval and acceptance are two other things. I don't know, I suppose I could say I've taught myself to live without it going by with an "I couldn't care less what others think" attitude.
Still, it helps if it comes from some places. Again, that seems like too much to hope for.
I'm glad your faith helped you.
I am, sadly, quite lacking in that area. Heh.
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